Women in perimenopause have the highest rate of suicide

It’s no secret that perimenopause is finally a hot topic right now, especially if you’re in it, but even if you’re not, I bet you’ve heard the term and know a woman who is in it.

So, what is perimenopause?

Perimenopause is the transition leading up to menopause, often starting in your late 30s to mid 40s and lasting anywhere from a few years to over a decade. During this time your ovaries gradually wind down, causing estrogen and progesterone to fluctuate unpredictably rather than drop in a straight line, which is what drives most of the symptoms.

Common signs include irregular periods, hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, brain fog, sleep disruption, weight changes, and lower libido, though symptoms and severity vary widely from woman to woman. There are over 80 symptoms to this and most women literally think it’s just hot flashes and a bit of weight. It drives me crazy that we are not taught about this.

It’s usually written off as depression, or anxiety, or both. Very few clinicians know or care to dig any deeper.

It’s also frequently missed or dismissed because standard hormone tests can look normal even while someone is deep in the transition, since levels shift so much week to week.

Menopause itself is just a single point in time, marking twelve months since your last period, while perimenopause is everything leading up to it. After that one day, you are considered postmenopausal.

So, now you have a sense of what it is, let’s talk about how this affects our mental health.

I am going to speak from my experience alone, this is not medical advice, but my personal experience.

About a year ago I was insanely depressed, like can’t get out of bed depressed. Now, my life was a bit chaotic, but for me to not get out of bed or shower or get ready, was unusual.

I couldn’t figure it out, what the fuck was happening to me?

It got worse too. I started having thoughts that I didn’t want to be here anymore, and if you know me, that is the absolute last thing I would ever consider. It scared the shit out of me. It still does, because if I am being honest, I still have moments where those thoughts creep in.

The part that is even more disturbing is that it doesn’t feel like my mind is my own. It feels like I have been invaded and I have no control over my thoughts sometimes. This is how perimenopause has shown up for me. Yes, I have gained weight, yes, I have brain fog, sore joints, moodiness, but this...this is the scariest part of it all for me.

Then I started to look into it. I talked to my doctor and because she is awesome, she got me tested and on Bioidentical Hormone Therapy.

Within a week I started to feel better.

I have been on them for a year and things are feeling off again. Those thoughts come around ever so often. “I just don’t want to be here anymore, I don’t know what I am doing,” and this is the part we aren’t talking about.

Many of us are in a major life change in our 50’s. There is a shift that happens when our estrogen starts to disappear. Our people pleaser hormone lowers and we kind of tolerate less of what we should have said no to years ago.

A lot of us are getting divorced, getting fed up with our careers, experiencing our babies turning into adults and needing us less.

It’s funny, when I talk to some moms who have younger kids, usually teens, and I talk about the empty nest part, more often than not, they say, “omg, I can’t wait”...until it’s happening to them. I love being a mom. I found purpose in showing my girls a life where they didn’t have to do anything to be loved by me, I made it my mission to break the abuse I experienced as a kid. To love them unconditionally. Not without discipline, but never to hurt them or make them question their value. So now, at 50, my youngest has found her independence and that makes 4 babies, who are now women.

It’s painful. And beautiful too.

But here I am. In perimenopause, divorced, starting from the ground up on all fronts.

When I read that our age group, 45-54, has the highest suicide rates of women, I wasn’t the least bit surprised.

It’s a colossal identity shift that no one talks about or prepares you for. Ever.Coupled with the hormone fuckery and you have a recipe for disaster.

So, what can we do?

I would say, the very first thing is to stop telling yourself that you have no symptoms.

Remember, hot flashes don’t happen for every woman and that is NOT the hallmark symptom now that there is more research, there are 80 different ones. I will do a substack on that soon as well.

So get your hormones tested. Be firm in your ask with your GP or OBGYN, don’t take no for an answer.

Next, tell your friends, loved one, whoever if you’re not feeling right. I haven’t been great at this, I don’t want to scare them so I keep it to myself, until it’s really bad and then I kind of crash out which is not ideal.

Look for ways to level up the way you care for your body. Working out for me right now is insanely hard. Not the “man I don’t feel like it today” way, but there is a new level of exhaustion some days that I just can’t move my ass. So, I focus on walking the dogs in the forest. So if nothing else, I am in nature and moving like that.

I have a few tricks to help calm my nervous system down too.

One of my favs is my Shakti Mat, I love it. It’s a pressure point mat that really calms the body down.

I also do coffee enemas. Once you get over the ick factor, they can be your best friend to help you calm down.

The biggest thing is to be around people who won’t judge you and will support you, especially if you’re flying solo during this time. Again, I can do better with asking for help, that’s my old wound showing up, “I can do this all alone,” it’s bullshit and I know it, I can’t do it alone ;).

Neither can you, and you shouldn’t.

Ok, that’s it for now.

Please remember, if you are having thoughts about suicide, reach out to your nearest crisis centre. No one wants you gone, so please look for help if you need it sister.

Big love,

Cara

ps. if you want to sign up for the waitlist for Solo Body Oil, a small way to make this time better, click here.